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I started trying to lay Andy down for his nap at noon. Two and a half hours ago. It's his normal nap time, the time he laid down every day at day care. I was adamant that he take his nap today because I am at the end of my rope. I am so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open. I knew I had a two hour window when Andy would sleep so I nursed Joey and expected him to sleep for two hours too.

My nap was on the horizon. I imagined sweet sleep washing over me and waking up refreshed and ready to be Supermom again.

No such luck. We've been through two sippy cups of warm milk, my lying with him (I fell asleep and he kicked me in my c-section incision), the phone ringing about 8 times for no good reason, at least 25 returns to the bed with the admonition that it's sleepy time and even, I am ashamed to admit, a couple swats on the diaper covered tushie. I have lost my temper. I have screamed. I called my husband in tears.

It's looking like there's going to be no nap today. Two friends are planning to stop by later and the house is in it's usual state of disaster. Any second now Joey is going to wake up and want to nurse, tying me to the couch.

I have a headache.

I put on a pot of coffee.

I can hear Andy singing his wordless rendition of Jingle Bells behind the closed door of his room.

If I weren't such a conscientious parent I'd leave him in there and fall asleep but I'm terrified that he'll pull his dresser over on himself or climb out the window or do some other horrible thing to himself that I could have averted if I were alert and awake.




( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 3rd, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
I know what you're going through. Its hard. It feels like it'll never end. Then Joey will wake up and you'll sit down to nurse him and he'll smell like a sweet, sweet newborn and he'll cuddle in close. Then Andy will come over and smile or do something equally as charming and you'll realize. "This is the best moment of my life."

Hang in there!
Mar. 8th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
You're totally right. I managed to stay up until 10 pm and that feeling of hopelessness and anger went away while watching Andy color in his Thomas coloring book.
Mar. 3rd, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
oh, Juli. I can read how tired you are! I told B that I was going to run away today. The kids would be here when he got home, but I wouldn't be. Sorry you're not getting a nap today. I didn't either.
Mar. 8th, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
It was the worse day so far. How do you manage when they both want/need you at the same time?
Mar. 8th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC)
On a wing and a prayer! No really, I try to play with Aaron/do whatever when I'm holding Nathan. Or, if it's a good day, Nate will let me sling him. he's in there now because he wouldn't sleep in the PNP. If I need to nurse and Aaron is insistant on getting time with me... well, I turn on Signing Time. There really isn't much else to do. If that doesn't work, I just listen to his whining and tell him to be patient and wait until nathan's done nursing. Sometimes he'll give N "hugs"/kisses or climb on me while I'm nursing, and I just go with the flow.
Mar. 4th, 2006 05:55 am (UTC)
Mar. 8th, 2006 01:55 pm (UTC)
I sooooo needed help last Friday. I think I've figured him out though and I'm hoping to not go through that again.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )