Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Hump Day Brain Dump

Why does it feel like it should be Friday?   This week is dragging by-- maybe because of my lack of sleep, the discomfort of pregnancy, friend drama, crazy construction noise at work-- I don't know, but I'm just beat and ready for the weekend.

I'm feeling torn in several different directions today.

1.  This baby will be born in eight weeks.  I still have so much to do to prepare.  The kids haven't switched rooms and we need to carpet the one the boys will share.  I don't have any of the newborn clothes or supplies down from the attic.  I need to learn how to use these cloth diapers I bought.  The house is a mess.  I need to do some major ebay selling to de-clutter the house.  I need to precertify my hospital stay with my insurance company.  Why am I not feeling more urgency and in a rush to prepare?

2.  Work is killing me.  I've been pretty busy this week, and that's good, but the commute and the sitting are taking their toll on my body.  I don't know if the abdominal pressure I'm feeling is normal due to this being baby #2 or the result of stress.  The construction in our conference room is LOUD and I have been fighting headaches all week.  In the morning in my office I freeze.  In the afternoon, I sweat.  I was reading the NJ Dept. of Labor website about pregnancy disability and if I didn't care about getting a full paycheck for as long as possible, I could stop working in two weeks.  TWO WEEKS!  It's sooooo tempting.

3.  I'm still having negative feelings about my stepdaughter.  It's so strange.  I can't wait to get home and spend time with Steve and Andy but at the same time, when I think about SD being there as well, my stomach sinks and the enthusiasm wanes.  She hasn't even been particularly bad lately.  I really need to be seeing a therapist on my own about this.  I've been trying to do the whole Serenity Prayer thing and it helps in the moment but not over the long haul. 

4.  This whole Avian Flu pandemic threat is bugging me.  There's conflicting information everywhere.  Apparently Oprah dedicated a show to it yesterday and I'm wondering, do I need to slip into hyper-paranoid mode and "prepare" for this?  How real a threat is it? 



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 25th, 2006 10:30 pm (UTC)
I'm feeling like it's Thursday today. No idea why.

Crap, what else was I going to say? Oh yeah... I didn't feel a sense of urgency either. I think it's because this is our second and it's not as "exciting" as preparing for you first? Well, at least it is that way for me. I did wash all of the clothes, but everything else is in a shamble. I figure B can do that, all he'll need for a while is mommy anyway.

On the SD. I think seeing a tharipist might be a good idea. From what I know about you I can guess that your dislike for SD is bothering you a bit. I see you as WANTING to get along with her, but can't. I wonder if you got past whatever it is that's stopping you (probably MIL, IMO. I can explain that if you want.) then maybe you both would get along better and she would behave better. I think sometimes she may act out because she senses that you don't like her around, etc. Ok, totally not my place, but just what I've been thinking sometimes. I don't have a step anything, so what do I know?
Jan. 26th, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
You're probably right on most of the stuff you said about my SD. Though I'm not sure that I want to get along with her so much as I don't want to be constantly annoyed by her presence. It doesn't help that when I do get a break from being the wicked stepmother that things in our house seem to go so much more smoothly. There's no yelling or fighting. It makes it so easy to jump to the conclusion that she's the source of all the problems in our house.

My MIL has a definite role in my issues with SD. Ever since Steve and I were dating his mother has had issues in how I relate to SD. To the point where if I told her to do something, MIL would immediately tell her she didn't have to listen. I erupted one time at her house and told her to back off and that set in motion a feud that lasted a year. I just don't talk to her anymore. I'm friendly when I have to be, but given a choice, I'd avoid my MIL altogether.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )