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News Flash: Fat Women Have More Sex

A recent post over at Jezebel says that a study was done and overweight women have more, or the most, sex.  Duh, I could have told you that.

The story over at UPI, where Jezebel actually drew their information actually reads: "Overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of "normal weight," U.S. researchers said."

Kinda two different things, right?

I can only speak from my own experiences with weight issues and men.

First of all, in sorting through my old photos (and scanning and posting them), I can see clearly that I haven't always been fat.  In some pictures, I could clearly stand to eat a cheeseburger or two.  Still, as far back as I can remember, my mother has been concerned with my weight and led me to believe that I was overweight and needed to diet.  I can't remember a time when I felt satisfied about the way I looked.

I remember getting a bathing suit before I went to Spain for the summer after seventh grade.  It was one of those weird two piece things that was connected at the sides so technically it was one piece but there was lots of bare belly skin.  I was standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom and noted happily that my belly didn't stick out but was horrified to see that if I stood with my feet shoulder width apart, my thighs touched each other at the top.

If I stand with my feet shoulder width apart now, my thighs touch practically down to my knees.  

I believe that by harping on a young girls' weight, by focusing on it intently and drawing comparisons, nitpicking every little perceived flaw, we make her think there's something wrong, when really there isn't.  In my own case, being told all the time that I needed to lose weight, that I was too fat, that there was something wrong with me, it became one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.  

Here I am at 32, obese for awhile, and sex has never been a problem.  I've never been without a boyfriend/partner since I lost my virginity as a teenager so it just can't be about fat.  

I'd like to think that I'm intelligent and fun to be around.  I have a pretty face, I think.  I'm confident to a point, at least to outsiders.  Does that override the muffin top?  I'm sure big boobs help.  I'm sure that even though I'm queen sized, things still sort of balance out to be the correct silhouette.  But the attraction between men and women has got to be about more than appearance.

Attraction is subjective.  I know thin, beautiful women who can't seem to get a date, let alone a partner.  I know overweight women, like myself, who are happily partnered and always have been.  I am more than the number on my bathroom scale and I hope that the men I've been with would agree with me.  

I used to have a Nike ad that I clipped out of a magazine when I was in high school.  I laminated it and had it on my door all through college. I think I memorized it.  I said something like this: 

Women are often measured by the things they cannot control.  She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve.  By where she is flat or straight or round.  She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever measure up to who she is on the inside.  And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control.  By who she is and who she is trying to become.  Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.

If Nike, an athletic shoe company, can question our societal perceptions of beauty, then why is it so far fetched to think that individuals do the same? Why was there a need for a study to see whether or not fat women get laid?  Why are the researchers so shocked at the answer?  Why does it need to be spun like some big, shocking revelation?  I've lived it!  I know that there are men who prefer softness over bones and a roundness to the body.  I know men like big breasts.  I know lots of men who prefer them to be real rather than a consumer product.

I guess I am angry at this report even though it validates my experiences and life.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 3rd, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC)
I think it has to be presented as a big shocking deal because otherwise people won't read the article--thank our tabloid mentality for that--and also I am actually kind of glad it is presented as a big shocking deal because maybe more people will pay attention to it and therefore maybe we can change some attitudes. Maybe people won't have to be all "well, I have to lose weight before I can even CONSIDER dating" and stuff like that. Bleah.

Incidentally, I know a bunch of men who think that too. *sigh*

I don't have any personal conclusions to draw from the study. At the height I currently am I've weighed anywhere from 135 to 240 (at the end of my pregnancy I could have been quite a linebacker had I been mobile), and interestingly I have had partners more frequently at my higher weights.

I mean, when I weighed 135 nobody wanted to date me at all. But it's just one person so I can't say that it's because of weight.

Anyway, there's my ramble for that.
Nov. 3rd, 2008 05:33 pm (UTC)
My family harped on me constantly that I was fat as a pre-teen/teen. I was not. But I became so because of years of yo-yo and crash diets that completely fucked up my metabolism and my mind. My mom and pediatrician had me chewing foaming tablet things before meals to fill my stomach so I wouldn't eat so much. I was 10. I wasn't fat, I was going through puberty and developing breasts and hips.

I was on the committee for my 20 year high school reunion. One girl was saying she had a picture of me in her photo album. She passed it over to me and I took one look at the photo and said "I'm not in that picture." and passed it back to her. There wasn't a fat girl in the photo, so obviously I could not be in it. She passed it back and said, "Yes you are! That's Mrs Gibson's College-Prep Lit class, I know you were in that class with me. Look! You're right there!" I looked again. No, I wasn't in that photo...but wait...I recognize that shirt...that's my Neil Diamond shirt...and my watch...and HOLY CRAP that IS me!!!! I wasn't fat! I look...average. OMG! My perception of myself in high school is so screwed up that I could not even recognize a photo of myself. Here's the photo. I'm third from the right in the gray shirt.

I'm working really hard at teaching Emmie to be herself and love herself. I don't ever want to mess her up the way my family messed me up!
Nov. 3rd, 2008 06:03 pm (UTC)
Here's me at 13 or 14... I'd love to look like this again

Nov. 3rd, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
You do look great there!
Nov. 3rd, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
1. I was slim, or at least average, all of my life until the last coupla years.

2. I was under age 40 all my life until the last coupla years.

3. I was a nonparent all my life until the last 6.5 years.

4. I was always, as an adult, getting enough dates, until the last 6.5 years.

I think #4 correlates with #2 and #3, but #4 has little to do with #1. Men will date, and marry, overweight women, but they are VERY reluctant to date single moms and over 40s. IME.

Nov. 4th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
I started to reply to this post and decided to create my own to add to it.


Nov. 4th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
Right on
As someone who is happily married to a queen size woman that I cannot get enough of (rawr! :) ), I just wanted to say you are right on!
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )