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What the hell was up with Idol last night?

Let's start with the cheesy boxing references and the announcer guy comments interjected into every segment.  Huh?  Really?  Is that the best they could come up with? I could feel David Cook cringing at the cheesiness of it all through my television.

So they bring in Clive Davis and Andrew Lloyd Webber.  I can understand Clive Davis the so-called "Man With the Golden Ear."  He was behind some of the largest hits of the 80s and 90s.  Is he really a cutting edge music guy anymore?  I mean, he's older than God.  So he starts his intro to his song choice for David Cook and he says something about picking a song that's for David's generation or something like that and the song turned out to be U2's Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For-- a song that was a hit in 1987.  Eighty seven!  It's a classic for sure, but really, a song that's TWENTY ONE years old?  David Cook was FOUR when the song was popular and Archuleta wasn't even BORN YET!!!

What is up with the ancient songs this season?  Not to say I don't love them, I actually coughed up $1.98 to get Cook's version of Hello and Always Be My Baby from iTunes.  Seriously though, if the point is to crown a bona fide pop star, shouldn't they have been singing stuff that's you know, POPULAR, like, um, NOW????

Anyway, Cook did U2 and I thought it was good.  I bopped on my couch.  For the shorter, more Mormon David,  another song older than he is, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me.  How many times has Clive Davis picked this song for the finale show male contestant?  I swear at least twice.  I suppose I could look it up somewhere but I don't really care *that* much.

Every song that Archuleta sings seems to have the exact same arrangement and sound.  It's like, short note, short note, loooooong drawn out run; short note, short note, short note, run, run, run.  I think his overbearing father has robotically enhanced him to crank out perfect theme park versions of formerly popular music.  After all the times over the past eight years we've heard Simon Cowell call things "cabaret," "shouty," and "theme park" why is he not calling out Archulta on his cabaret theme-parkiness?

Then there's Randy Jackson who apparently has forgotten all of last year as he announced that it's 2007.  Huh?

The middle performance was songs from the songwriting contest.  I actually liked David Cook's song.  Kinda trite and very eighties but it seemed to fit with the past coronation songs.  Then Archuleta broke out the SAT vocabulary and phrasing song.  What was that weird line about a window reflecting perfection?  I thought it was wretched and then the judges went and praised the hell out it, leading to my next comment...

...Since the Top Ten, I've had a feeling that the judges comments are pre-written and designed to guide the voting to achieve the producers goals for the end result.  I mean, they've been praising both Davids for weeks but all of a sudden last night, after some really great singing by Cook, they were RIPPING into him and blowing all kinds of sunshine up Archuleta's butt.  I think Archuleta is so fake and weird.  What's with his constipated fear face he does when he's being judged?  Or the fact that he can't sing with his eyes open and generally sucks as a performer.  He can sing, sure, but he's BORING to watch! 

So my guess is that Clive Davis, 19 Entertainment and the Idol Machine thinks it will make more money off Archuleta as a teenybopper heartbreaker than from Cook's more rock-driven sound.  Have they learned nothing from the Daughtry experience?

Which reminds me, during one of the filler segments, they were discussing the success of past Idols, implying the winners, and the faces shown were Carrie, Kelly and Chris Daughtry.  Um, Daughtry was voted off way early, wasn't he? 

Final songs:  David Cook does Collective Soul.  I agree with him that doing something he's already done is kinda sucktastic (and way to poke at your competition by saying so!) but really, was that the best song he could come up with?  Oh well.  Archuleta reprises his goodie from earlier in the season, Imagine, and I cry.  Not because I think it's good.  I think it's wretched and virtually sacrilegious.  It's freaking blasphemy to do what he did to that song, take an absolute classic, a perfect song, an turn it into DRECK.  Boo to you, Archuleta the Lizard.

Despite all of the pushing of Archuleta by the judges and producers, DialIdol.com is showing David Cook as the winner by a landslide.  It makes me fear for what kind of dreck they're going to force him to put out on his first album. 



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 21st, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to post that I never watched American Idol but your subject line cracked me up. LOL! :)
May. 21st, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
I would say that you and I usually agree with Simon about 90% of the time. In fact, we usually can nail his comments (theme park, shouty, broadway) before he even makes them.

Last night I don't think we agreed with him once. Something was really REALLY off.

If the judges opinions are actually being written ahead of time to guide the publics voting (which is what it certainly felt like last night), that's pretty crappy.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )