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"Pregnancy Pact" in Massachusetts

Seventeen sophomore girls at a smallish high school in an isolated Massachusetts town got pregnant over the last school year and rather than being upset by it, these girls were excited and happy.  Babies are a blessing, true, but to fifteen and sixteen year old girls who legally cannot consent to sex?  This seems to be a topic of interest to reporters and bloggers and everyone is focused on these girls, the school administrators and the economy in the town and I'm really dismayed that I haven't seen much about the fathers of these babies!

As a mother of sons, I really feel for these boys and want to know if they knew what the girls were planning.  Blah blah blah, they should have worn condoms, yadda, yadda, yadda.  We don't really know that they didn't.  Condoms are pretty easily thwarted, all you need is a safety pin.  I read somewhere that the boys could face statutory rape charges.  They will have to be responsible for these children for the rest of their lives, and since they are so young, I am sure it's going to end up that their parents are playing child support. 

And I know, they chose to have sex, they have to live with the consequences, but we're talking about teenaged boys.  What teenage boy takes a pass when sex is offered? 

This is the biggest fear I have for my sons, that they'll get involved with someone young and their potential will be spoiled by early fatherhood.  I'm not going to kid myself that they'll maintain virginity until they're 21 but I hope they'll be smart about it, that their future will be important enough to them to protect themselves. 

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( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
I worry about my kiddo getting involved with someone like that too. Thankfully he's still 11 so I don't have to worry too much..but it's only a matter of time until we have to have the skank ho talk.
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
That's a funny way to put it, but it's true. It's such a tough thing and the crazy hormones of teenagers make it difficult to convince them they're not in a love that will last. I'm dreading the whole time period. I hope I can get them so involved in sports or something else that girls are an afterthought.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
I'm putting my son in drum lessons and hoping he takes up with band. Kids at that age are so difficult. They think everything that happens to them is happening for the first time to anyone..and since they are progressing in freedom they think everything is a big deal. Gah I dread it too. My kiddo is already starting to show some symptoms of the freedom tug. He's coming home today..has been gone for a week with grandma. I'm so excited about him coming home but I'm so afraid he's going to act like a little shit because he's probably had not structure while he's been off playin with mamaw. Kids, sheese. lol
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:44 pm (UTC)
I don't mean to be crass, but good luck with band. At every school I attended, the band was a hotbed of sexual activity. Not that that's to be avoided in and of itself, or that you can necessarily avoid it without ostracizing your own child. It's a hard thing to deal with.
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:45 pm (UTC)
"...and this one time, at band camp..."

oh yeah, um, maybe band isn't such a good idea.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
I find it hilarious that people think their kids are more likely to screw because they are in band. They are gonna get into sexual situations no matter where they are unless people plan to follow their kids wherever they go. lol
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
I don't think they're any more likely to be active if they're in band. I just thought American Pie was funny.

Band is a co-ed activity, and there's usually some time spent on a bus, largely unsupervised. I've heard lots of band stories.

Maybe single-sex military school is the answer. ;)
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC)
lmao. Nah, I'll pass on the military school.
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC)
Okay, maybe not military school. Just all-boys school.

Hell, I went to an all-girls school and got scholarships to some amazing schools.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
That's wonderful!
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
Im a band geek
I was in band.....6 years. Sexual activity is something we're going to have to deal with no matter where he's at. At least with band he'll be getting something out of it to help enrich his life rather than just hanging around town in a car getting drunk screwing or whatever else might be out there for him to get into. The fact is that unless you're in touch with your kid he can get into that thing no matter where he's at. I think the positives to band far outweigh the negatives IMO.
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
Re: Im a band geek
I wasn't bashing band. If that didn't get across, I'm sorry. Juli said "I hope I can get them so involved in sports or something else that girls are an afterthought." You responded that you hoped to get your kid involved in band for the same reason.

I wasn't really advocating one activity or another, or no activities for that matter. In fact, I specifically said that you really can't avoid the sexualization of your children without avoiding their socialization. And that would be abuse, and ultimately counterproductive.

But as far as getting the kid into soccer or band or this or that... It may be good and I never argued it wasn't. But as far as getting them out of risky behavior, or sexual activity of any kind, it's a value null, and maybe it actually promotes sexual activity. In the end, school or other activities don't change sex behavior one bit. It only affects the venue.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Im a band geek
I agree that it will happen one way or another. Activities just make it more difficult to do it whenever the notion strikes. Activities such as sports and band keep kids very busy. Idle time can be a very dangerous thing for a teenager. Hopefully keeping them busy will increase the chances of keeping them out of "trouble". In the end it might not prevent it from happening, but it might decrease the chances of frequency and give the kid something else to look forward to. Who knows what will happen in the future. All we can do is try our best to give our kids a good environment and teach them to make good decisions.
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Im a band geek
Well, that's where we differ. Kids will make the time to get laid. It's only a matter of gaining access. No-one ever failed to have sex because of baseball practice, or a track meet. Sports and study groups and band might have all kinds of benefits. I won't argue that. But as far as sexualization, they actually promote mingling of the sexes (in my mind, a good, but a boon to sexual activity), social standing and authority (also a good, also a boon), and boy, if they ever go to a regional competition, there's all the excitement of new places and a little space from authority figures that aids that. Not to mention that band rooms are like cleaner, less sexually segregated versions of locker rooms.

I'm not really offended by the notion that band may decrease sexual promiscuity. I mean, it's not a destructive idea. It does no ill. And, in an indirect way, the maturity promoted by that and similar activities may lead to greater responsibility. Or greater exploitation of one's maturity and charisma. Either way.

But your characterization of unregulated activity as "just hanging around town in a car getting drunk screwing or whatever else might be out there" seems way off the mark, to me, since sexual activity was at least as common among band members, athletes, and cheerleaders as it was among anyone else. If anything, the out-of-clique cliques tended to wait until college to get laid, judging by the loners I knew and know. You say idle time is dangerous for a teenager. That may well be true. But in terms of sex, an innate desire for most everyone, I don't think your statement applies. In fact, judging by the inherent competition and social jockeying that occurs in such groups, and the almost familial nature of the bonds it fosters, I'd say that it only makes it more likely, whether to prove oneself or merely an expression of that familiarity.

Sex isn't a "notion." It's an instinct. And playing the cello won't distract from it anymore than hanging out with buddies and getting high. I was a band member, a loner, a serious student, at various points of my education. Hell, I did Latin, and translating Vergil never changed my sexual behavior from what it would otherwise have been. Kids will do what they want, based on what they can do. And filling a kid's schedule, while desirable in other ways, will ultimately not deter that person from spending a spare fifteen minutes on sex. If anything, it'll contribute toward their autonomy and time management. They'll fit it in.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Re: Im a band geek
Whatever you say. I know from personal experience that when I was in band and had to be at practice at 3:30 I rarely had time to screw someone in between school and practice and was too tired afterwards. All the hypothetical mumbo jumbo is not going to change the proof of that. If a kid wants to make time for sex and miss practice...they will no longer be in that sport which makes your argument null and void. Seriously, this is the end of this topic for me.
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Re: Im a band geek
Hey, if all you need for an opinion on the matter is your own personal experience, I'll leave you to it. Thanks for the exchange of ideas.
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Two last things.
First, I want to apologize for being overly glib.

It would have been more elegant if, instead of getting off a snippy parting shot, I had simply asked you this. I understand if you don't care to answer.

Did you have free time? Did you socialize with friends on your own at all? Did you go on dates in high school? You see, all of these are fairly normal expressions of socialization, and necessary to the development of many at that age. So the premise of being too busy to have sex doesn't make a lot of sense to me, since kids are going to find time for other activities anyway, whether it's movies, sleeping over at friends' houses, going to a store, having a meal. Could all of that be scheduled out?
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Oh, and I'm thinking were the cheerleaders and football team not screwing each other. I guess we should keep our kids at home the rest of their teenage years so they don't encounter anything.
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:52 pm (UTC)
I want them to be good at and involved in something where there are scholarships involved. If it's football, band, musicals, art, whatever. Just something to focus on and help them get into my alma mater, um, I mean college.
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Exactly! :D
iskender
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)
As I said, not something you can really avoid without ostracizing your kid. Did you think I was making that argument?
mazey_daze
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
No. That statement was rhetorical.
rubyprincess
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
IIRC and I could be completely wroing as the story sickened me and I had to stop reading -- I thought there was one particular guy who fathered quite a few of these children - a 24 year old local homeless man. Not that this makes it any better but are we sure all the baby daddies are underage? Again, my info is spotty at best...
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)
I thought I read that only one of the babies was fathered by the homeless guy.

Can we say, "ICK!"
rubyprincess
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Abso-freakin-lutely!
I'd look again but I'm fresh outta brain bleach, ya know?
OT - have you brought the kiddos to Dutch Wonderland? Thoughts?
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
We haven't gone to Dutch Wonderland yet because we have season passes for Sesame Place (and we're there every Sunday). I suppose we'll go at some point soon, it's only like half an hour from the house.
rubyprincess
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:46 pm (UTC)
Funny that Sesame is about half an hour from OUR house! DW seems terrific -- on our list for this summer. Lemme know if you guys go - would love to hear the scoop as it's been yeas since I've been there.
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)
I know it was recently purchased by Hershey and updated, cleaned and upgraded. Will keep you in the loop!

(We go to SP because our season passes were free)

Edited at 2008-06-26 04:51 pm (UTC)
purplejuli
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
Great editorial by a British columnist

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/jun/25/gender.sexeducation

With all the finger pointing going on, let's point some fingers at Bush, the Republican party and Fundamentalist Christians who support and fund only abstinence-only sex ed that is often incorrect and misleading.

Edited at 2008-06-26 04:22 pm (UTC)
lynnh
Jun. 26th, 2008 07:33 pm (UTC)
I'm just not going to allow my boys to grow up. That's the plan, anyway.
sweetjezebel
Jun. 27th, 2008 08:09 am (UTC)
Totally agree with ya here Jules... it sucks that men don't have more say-so in some instances.
( 31 comments — Leave a comment )