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Feeling incredibly introspective today.  I don't know if it's because I'm trying to be Supermommy on three hours of sleep or just the aftershock from all the craziness going on around me right now.  

I know enough about myself to recognize that I'm a "do first, think later" kind of person and that's gotten me into trouble more than once.  I don't think that anyone could ever say I'm "all talk" if they even knew me a little bit but still I never thought of myself as someone who takes chances or who recognizes opportunity knocking at the door.  Yet, all of the really good things in my life come from that ability.  

Still I'm sitting here listening to Rachel and Andy playing in the living room, and Joey fussing on a blanket on the floor and I wonder what I look like from the outside.  

I asked Steve not too long ago how he would to describe me if someone asked him what his wife is like.  Not the physical stuff because that's easy enough, but I wonder if what I let other people see of me is the same as the way I see myself.  And it's more than a question of good or bad, friendly or bitchy.  

Do I seem shallow because I choose not to waste to much energy and emotion on the outside world and instead focus on my family and friends?  Hell, I wonder if my friends even realize how devoted to them I am?   Do I appear weak to people because I cry easily, because I let my emotions show on my face?  I've always been horrible at hiding things,  what I'm thinking is always plainly obvious on my face. 

Steve didn't have a really good answer.  I think he tried to tell me what he thought I wanted to hear.  He hates when I throw those kinds of questions at him.  

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
redqueenmeg
Jul. 20th, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC)
Do I seem shallow because I choose not to waste to much energy and emotion on the outside world and instead focus on my family and friends?

No, that's not shallow. Shallow is not caring about anything but yourself. Caring about the world at large or caring about specific people is not shallow.

purplejuli
Jul. 20th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
Okay, so shallow isn't the right word.

I read Will's posts and it makes me feel small. I don't have the time, nor do I want to find the time, to think about the world the way he does. And I really couldn't care less. It's awful but true. I envy him his thoughtfulness.
usedmonk
Jul. 20th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC)
The world needs people with varied interests and abilities, you exist so that people like he can exist and vice versa. In my reality, you all exist to pay taxes to fund my research. See, THAT is shallow! : P
purplejuli
Jul. 21st, 2006 07:39 pm (UTC)
How is the research going, btw? I'm hoping that cosmic forces are shifting and that there will be happiness and good news for you soon.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )